How You can Help a Victim of Domestic Abuse or Sexual Assault

Written by:  ProVision;
Photo Retrieved from:  https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/domestic-violence
​We read and hear of stories of young girls being molested by people in their own homes, at school, in the church, and the community.  It is evident that living on an island, our women and young girls need to be educated that not everyone can be trusted.   They are told to not tell anyone what is happening or there will be consequences for them or their loved ones.  Some girls have watched as their mothers are being physically, verbally, or emotionally abused and think it’s normal. As a community we have “normalized” these actions of abuse and accepted them as normal.  We are told that it is our fault we are abused.  Our abusers tell us, “If you listened to me, I wouldn’t have beat you,” or “If you would have just stopped yelling at me, I wouldn’t have hit you.” This mindset must be broken for the cycle of domestic violence to change.  People need to realize the power and control wheel that is used by abusers.  They use isolation as a form to keep family members apart.  They use financial control to ensure that victims cannot leave.  Abusers will also tell victims they are not worthy, and no one will ever love them, which is why they stay.  It is not only physical abuse.   This mindset must be broken.  If you know someone who is abused, or suspect is being abused, here are some things you can do. 

1. Listen to them and believe them when they come to you.  Once they share with you that is the first step of breaking the cycle of abuse.  Give them a safe space to speak and be heard.  Remember to not pass judgment on the victim, don’t say things like, “why didn’t you leave?” But, tell them, “I hear you and I believe you.”
2. Get them in contact with available resources to begin healing.  Services for survivors are an important step.  Give them information on shelters, hotlines, and any counseling available to support them.
3. Don’t say phrases like, “she was asking for it” or “boys will be boys”.  That blurs the lines around sexual consent, placing blame on the victim and excusing perpetrators from the crimes they’ve committed.  When it comes to consent, there are no blurred lines.  No means No!
4. There are many forms of abuse and all of them have physical and emotional effects on individuals.  If someone comes to you or you are concerned for someone who could be experiencing abuse, help them find safety and support.  Start a conversation with them and listen.  Violence against women is a human rights violation that’s been around for generations.  We can’t be silent anymore and need to help them be heard.
5. Violence can take place in many forms, including sexual harassment in the workplace and public spaces.  Take a stand by calling it when you see it:  cat-calling, inappropriate comments, and sexist jokes are not okay.  Create a safe environment for everyone by challenging your peers to speak up when someone crosses the line and always listen to survivors and be sure they have the support needed.

 
Every year, the 16 days of Activism campaign calls for united, global action to end all forms of violence against women and girls. Please follow the Alliance Facebook Page to learn more.  It starts on November 25 through December 10.  You can be the change to make a difference in your community!