Jennifer's Top 10 List Of Things I Learned In 2022

Written by:  Jennifer F Tofaeono, Executive Director
It has been said, domestic violence is happening “within families so it’s NOT a major problem for (American) Samoa as a community, just a problem within the family unit” (Alliance, 2017).  I have come to realize the family unit is the community.  As Samoan’s we are interconnected with our villages, churches, matai systems, family is what supports the “Fa’aSamoa”. 
  I decided to compile a list of the top 10 things I’ve discovered over the past year.  Some of the lessons are repetitive—lessons I’ve come to know from years past and seem more relevant this past year.  These lessons have developed how I have led our team and pertain to life altogether. 
Jennifer’s Top 10 List of things Learned in 2022….

1. We need to teach the community more about what causes violence.  Victims must realize the abuse was not their fault, no matter what you did or didn’t do to stop or prevent it.   
2. Violence, whether it be domestic or sexual violence, impacts our psychological and emotional well-being. 
3. We need better ways to respond to unhealthy behavior or decisions. We can be taught better ways to communicate.  When we cannot communicate make rules on how you will react (i.e. leave the room, come back in 10 minutes, discover words that you can make part of your vocabulary that are positive, etc).
4. We need to build our own resilience to answer life’s challenges, particularly when the only solution you know is violence.
5. Strengthen your team- however you define them.  Your team can be your family members, your co-workers, or your church.  I am surrounded by some great individuals who have become my teachers, my greatest support system, every day I am grateful for my Alliance team, and my  family.
6. Empower and encourage your team, recognize the work they do and tell them the job is well done.  Our Training Coordinator, Judy Matautia said it best, “While we continue to move with the work, we continue to meet amazing and awesome people who serve our community. I am grateful for the opportunity to ‘tautua’ our community”.  
7. Prioritize.  We want to do it all. We want to see healing. We want to see knowledge.  We want to see growth.  We want to see change.  It takes many hands to make this work but remember not everyone is always on the same page.  Focus on what you can do together to get closer to the long-term goals.
8. LEARN!!!  We live in a time where information is readily available.  We can talk to others and share our stories to discover with each other.  When we understand more, we can begin to be part of the change. Visit our website at as alliance.co to access our training webinars, our articles, and public service announcements. 
9. Become an active participant to end violence. Talk to your family about what violence looks like, and the damage to the family.  Introducing behavior that is acceptable when discipling or going through arguments.  Our community needs to be taught more about deescalating techniques.
10. Be the Change you Want to See in the World- Mahatna Gahndhi. Research other ways to respond that include kindness, healing, restorative measures to strengthen families, and not tear them down. 

 This has been a remarkably full year, filled with great achievements, strengthened partnerships, and I have also witnessed grave loss.  Throughout this year I have discovered so much more about the work we do, and the community I live in.
As 2022 comes to an end the Alliance would like to say “fa’afafetai telel lava” to our partners who continue to stand with us in the fight to change the lens in which our families, our husbands, fathers, wives, mothers, and children respond to violence.  Looking forward to learning and working with you in 2023!