How to be an Advocate During the Upcoming Holidays

​Written by: Kathy Fitisone, Alliance Staff
       There’s a magical feeling about the holiday season and we get all warm and cozy just thinking about it.  We can’t wait to have friends and family over and we anticipate the wonderful reception of all the places we will visit.  Our trains of thoughts travel at warp speeds as we envision all the decorations, fun, laughter, food, parties, singing, gift giving and receiving that will soon be upon us.  It’s a time of happy families and joyous occasions.
       For many of us, but not all. 
There are many people out there who do not or cannot experience the festiveness of holidays due to Domestic Violence and or Sexual Assault (DVSA) or past trauma associated with the societal illness.  For those who dedicate their lives to advocating for victims of domestic violence the season takes a heavy toll on them.  On one hand they want to be celebrating, on the other hand they realize the people they serve are very vulnerable at this time.  How can you help lessen the stress of DVSA advocates during the holiday season? By being aware of subtle signs and by knowing what to do during abusive situations.
        If something seems off with someone or their demeanor and actions are troubling you, you may be able to find time to speak to them alone.  Please be supportive and not judgmental.  Ask if they are ok and if they need help with anything.  Do not get upset if they do not respond, sometimes just being there for them and listening to them might be what the victim needs to break away from the violence.
        You may be the person to approach the abuser because he or she looks up to you or will listen to you.  You want to get across that his/her behavior is not acceptable and that services to help correct his/her behavior are available.
     It is important to know that the relationship of the victim and abuser is dominated by power and control of the abuser.  So, you want to approach situations in a way that will not cause additional harm to the victim.  But it is crucial that if you see something, you should say something, you should do something.  Remember that not all relationships are worth saving.  Also remember that if the situation has escalated beyond your control, the right thing to do would be to involve the proper authorities.
        For those who are recovering, holidays may trigger traumatic experiences.  As an advocate, be there for them.  Find out what would make their holidays lighter for them.  Maybe they only want to go to small gatherings, maybe they want to be at places that are filled with family and friends.  Grab a cup of coffee or watch a movie.  Be a positive reinforcement for them with your words and actions.
      We hope you find joy, strength, and purpose in being an advocate during this holiday season.  We hope you continue to advocate after the holidays for those who are victims of domestic and sexual violence.  We hope one day we will no longer have victims nor the need for victim advocates and we can all simply enjoy the beauty of the holidays.