Reasons a Victim of Domestic Violence May Not Share their Story of Abuse

Written by: Tina Tofaeono, PROVISION Media

Domestic Violence is devastating for everyone involved, whether you’re the person experiencing abuse, a friend, a family member or a loved one of someone who is. An estimated 10 million people a year are impacted by domestic violence in the United States.

American Samoa is not exempt of this where almost daily, if not weekly, domestic violence is reported in the newspaper. There is not much conclusive data found, but we do see abuse happening on island in our families.

Domestic Violence affects people of all ages, race and gender. Victims find it difficult to share about their abuse because the home is usually considered a place of peace, love and safety. It’s uncomfortable to talk about the home as a place of pain, unpleasant memories or distressing problems such as abuse or violence.

A victim might not share because their abuser is the sole financial provider. Or they might make excuses for his behavior (He only hits me when he's been drinking), saying that “he really loves me and doesn’t mean to hurt me.” They might be scared to be alone so they tolerate the abuse, or they place the blame on themselves (what did I do to make him so angry?).

Victims are simply that: victims.  But the abuser makes the victim feel inferior and that they are to blame. As difficult as talking about the abuse can be, the conversations need to happen. We need to listen to the victims. We need to let them know they’ve been heard. We need to empower them. We need to help them feel safe again.

These events can be difficult, but the dialogue needs to take place. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, talk to someone you trust. Talk to a friend, a close family member, or someone at your church. Ask them to go with you to the police station or to get a restraining order on the abuser. Remember you are not alone!  You have people who love you and will support you. You can also call the Alliance at 699-0272 for more resources.