How Parents Can Talk To Their Children About Domestic Violence

(photo from: https://www.humanium.org/en/samoa/)  Written by:  PROVISION Media
You’ve heard about relationship red flags, but what about pink flags?  Pink flags could be the precursor to red flags and could begin with an unkind word, hints of jealousy, the occasional angry outburst, followed up by loving apologies.  Parents of someone who is being abused by their partner don’t always bear witness to these events, like many others.  But, some signs of domestic violence could include your child spending an increased amount of time with their partner while abandoning their personal interests, which could signify they are losing their individuality.  One example could be if your child always bends to the whims of their partner, it could indicate they’re trying to avoid conflict.  But what if they genuinely care for their partner and are looking out for them.  Pink flags could be hard to recognize.  
 
The good news is that parents can talk to their children about domestic violence even before it becomes a concern and talk about pink flags.  It’s important to start the dialogue early on, so they feel comfortable talking about it, so if it becomes an issue, they feel safe.  Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, Chief Medical Officer at Life Stance Health says, “Anytime parents notice a sudden change in their child’s attitude or behavior, I recommend finding a safe place and time to talk.”  If you are concerned, have a private conversation with your child.  “But avoid communicating through phone or email, abusers could monitor electronic communication,” says Patel-Dunn.
 
If you’re unsure how to begin, Dr. Bethany Cook, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, advises asking general questions like, “Are you happy?” or “Does this person inspire you to be a better version of yourself?” before sharing specific changes you’ve noticed in their behavior.  “Ask if they’ve noticed the changes as well.  Ask them if they like the changes.”  Try to remain calm and avoid accusations.  “Give objective feedback.  Maybe they haven’t noticed changes in behavior,” she says.  
 
If you’ve discovered that your child has been the victim of domestic violence, you may feel as though you’re partially to blame because you didn’t see the signs, however, experts agree that this couldn’t be further from the truth.  “I want to reiterate that domestic violence is never the victim’s fault or the victim’s family and that it can happen to anyone regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation,” says Patel-Dunn.  It’s a common tactic for abusers to claim that the fault lies with the victim, but that is so they can continue the emotional abuse and shame their victims.”  
 
While no parent can prevent their child from experiencing an abusive relationship, recognizing signs and getting them help can possibly save their life.  If you suspect any type of abuse, there are resources available.  If you need help immediately, please contact 911, or LBJ at 633-1222.  For further information on resources please press here.