Helping Victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Find Healing

Written by:  Jennifer Tofaeono, Executive Director
Every week I read a newsletter article involving domestic violence or sexual assault.  May 4th, 2021 Samoa Newspaper reported “Man who allegedly tried to molest a 12-year-old now in custody.” Immediately my heart felt despair for the victim and the family.  I imagine this victim returning home, and the harm he placed on her.  It  is a scar that she will carry every day for the rest of her life. I think of the mother’s statement that “her daughter was crying and scared”. Domestic violence and sexual assault cause health consequences for all victims.  Depression, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety disorders can impede a victim’s mental capacity.  One study done in 2013 reported women who experienced domestic and sexual violence were almost twice as likely to experience depression and problem drinking. 
For the month of May as we talk about mental health, I want to remind our community we can help to empower those who are victims of violence.  Our community is extremely close.  We are related and can recall our family lineage; we have real connections.   Victims of violence come from a large family network, which means they have a great support group.  When I speak to victims of violence who are healing, they mention how important the role of their family played in promoting healing.  Often, we are not quite sure how to respond to victims.  We say things like, “Stop crying, you’ll be ok”, or we blame the victim, “If you would’ve come straight home this wouldn’t have happened.”  As support systems, I encourage you to change those responses, to make sure you do not cause more damage to the victim.  It is important to remember no one ever wants to be sexually violated or beaten. 
Instead, you can start a conversation by saying, “I’m worried about you because….” Or “I have noticed some changes that concern me…”  Practice saying them over and over until it becomes an automatic response when you talk to a victim. You can help by listening to their stories without judgment, offering advice or giving them a solution.  When you choose to actively listen, you will be able to hear exactly what the victim needs.  Make sure to allow the person the time to talk. Believe them, and let them know by saying, “I believe you,”, “It’s not your fault,” or “You don’t deserve this”. 
If you’re still at a loss on how to help a victim, then help them to find the support and resources they need.  Helping them to contact Department of Social Services, Department of Health, American Samoa Legal Aid, Catholic Social Services or getting the number to a Pastor can provide great support.  Accompany them if they ask you too.  Most importantly remind them you are there for them will help to relieve mental stress to get to healing.